Cracks in your Wholeness

“Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That’s how the light gets in.”

Leonard Cohen Anthem

We use the same words to talk about people and objects as being whole or being broken. When do we feel whole and when do we feel broken? There are two ways of feeling whole: when we claim a strong identity and we behave according to it or when we connect to people or things outside of us. The first feeling makes us create a story about ourselves that we will protect at all costs. We will try to control reality according to our story. The second feeling is more intense and satisfying but also more fragile and beyond our control.

Psychological suffering stems from the feeling of not being whole, even if it starts with a crack. Cracks happen when we experience failure, loss, breakup, change.

As we grow up, we start identifying with certain stories, certain parts of ourselves we hold dear. We call all those our reality and we form a coherent idea of wholeness. When a crack happens we realize that what we called reality was in fact our perception of it, our story about it. When we feel a crack, we struggle to repair it, to hide in another story that we create but my invitation is to be curious about what lies beyond your story. You will start seeing your story as story and not as The Reality. You will experience the vastness and complexity of every moment. Know that the pain you feel will not last for a very long time and be compassionate with yourself rather than frustrated and angry. Take the time and the necessary self-care to be with that feeling for a while. Remember that stability and the perfectly enclosed, unique identity are myths we create to feel safe and in control.

My friend at Camellia Teas uses the Japanese art of kintsugi to repair broken pottery with gold as you see above, an inspiring metaphor for the renewed beauty and preciousness still possible after painful transformation.